Posted on by Belinda O

It All Adds Up the Same

I’ve spent some time, not a lot, but some, imagining what my life would be like now if I’d made different decisions.

It happens most often at night, when I’m alone and not much is on TV, none of the books I have appeal to me and I simply cannot play one more game of solitaire on my phone. I sit and ponder. What makes me who I am? My experience, my heart, my intentions, my choices? I suppose all of it.

night-at-homeSome of my worst decisions have led to the greatest breakthroughs in personal growth. Would I be a better person if I had not done such a foolish thing? 

Or would I be making the same mistakes, leaving myself with a level of immaturity I can’t get past? Or is it those mistakes that led to the unwise behavior in the first place? How do our thoughts, actions, beliefs and fate all play together?

The consequences we face are sometimes unknown, unforeseeable. There are those seemingly small errors in our ways that lead to lifelong reminders of that one errant deed, and potentially catastrophic actions that pass by almost unnoticed…and we forget…until there is a gentle reminder, and we breathe a sigh of relief that it didn’t happen the way it could have.

There are those who face mental illness, and they sometimes make what seem to them like logical decisions based on misperception because of the way their brain functions. I’m not talking criminal behavior here, although that certainly does apply, but day to day actions that have an impact on happiness and quality of life.

whats-up-little-bugI could overanalyze this, because here’s the bottom line: as much fun as it is to watch a movie where someone is given a chance to go back in time and change the path of their life, that would be a huge gamble. What if I hadn’t married the man who betrayed me and married the one who got away instead? You probably don’t know the second man any better than you knew the first when you married him. It could have been an entirely different sort of disaster.

I am who I am. If it hadn’t been this mistake, it would have been another. I still would be me. And I’m okay with that.

Image Credits: © sapunkele — fotolia

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24 Replies to “It All Adds Up the Same”

  1. Belinda. Your words are wonderful. And you should be proud of yourself. Personally I am in that time when I should make the worst decision of my life… hope to be strong as you are.

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  3. It is such a clichĂ©, and I am loathe to clichĂ©s, but I really believe that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. What would I change in my life? Not a darn thing–who knows how that would turn out?! We grow and, hopefully, we learn and move on. As you said: we are who we are. And I am OK with that.

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  4. I’m with you on this. There were so many paths to take and I believe the best one is what led me to where I am today.
    Even though I chose to divorce after 31 years, I have no regrets about my marrying the man I did because I have wonderful children whom I might not have had otherwise. So I guess with tough things, good things can come out of it.
    A very thoughtful post and understandable. When I feel bored (as you described) – it just means it’s time to find something else to fill my space rather than reflect. I imagine if you aren’t knitting that could be a source of emptiness for you. Hope your hand is better!

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      1. Oh, “what ifs” are not productive – they are usually possibilities that would have been better. But we can shift the “what ifs” to things we’ve done that are great and remind ourselves of what would have happened if we didn’t have courage to fork out in a good way!
        I’m always trying to adjust my thoughts when I go to those wistful moments! Glad your wrist is improving. 🙂

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        1. Good point. It’s easy to remember the “disasters” and forget the triumphs. I’ll indulge my thinking for a time, but I’ve learned to recognize when it’s necessary to change the soundtrack in my head.

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  7. Introspection is invaluable…as long as we seek answers, we will find them and be better for it…no matter what came before…we learn what we are meant to, and it is so wonderfully-generous of you to share with us….thanks for the food for thought….you are a light 🙂

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  8. I think that if you have a very strong foundation: loving, caring and attentive parenting, then whatever struggles you have, you are better able to cope with them. If you don’t have a firm foundation on which to base future decisions, you can flounder. That said, there are people who without a good parenting background still do very well: to name a couple celebrities: Oprah Winfrey and Dr Maya Angelou. And I’m pretty sure there are many non-celebrities who have done well in life despite their background. I think what it all boils down to is your character and your sense of self. Some people are stronger than others, and thrive, others not so strong and don’t do so well. I guess we are who we are. But I conclude that it is better to have firm grounding so that you can start off with a good sense of self. I don’t think that I would prefer not to change things that have happened in my past, as many people who say that they would not change a thing. If I could go back, I would make many changes and I think I would be a much better person for it. Sorry about the “essay”. 🙂 I do have this tendency to go on a bit. :))

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    1. Your words are worthwhile, so go on as much as you like. I don’t know why some people, like Oprah Winfrey and Maya Angelou, break past the pain of their childhood and go on to do such great things. One of the traits I admire in each of them is their willingness, even desire, to learn and grow. You’re right, we are who we are, but that leads to so many more questions!

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      1. Thank you Belinda. Maybe the reason people like Oprah and Maya were/are able to do this was because it was part of their soul journey. Look at Nelson Mandela – 27 years of imprisonment, but that didn’t prevent him from achieving his goal We all come here for different reasons/life lessons and these are character forming and inspiring to others. As you say the soul has to learn and grow and perhaps “mistakes” as we see them are not mistakes at all, but valid lessons in the school of life. So many questions – yes!!

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  10. I don’t actually believe there are right and wrong decisions. I think it has more to do with what we decide about the outcome or what meaning we give it. In every day of life all of the positive is there and all of the negative. It depends on where we direct our attention.

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