For several months now I’ve been avoiding a man I used to work with.
These days he’s the manager of the grocery store I frequent, and I refuse to drive an additional five miles to the next store just to keep from seeing him. Why have I been so reluctant to so much as say “hi”?
Because I assumed I knew why he was avoiding me.
The reasons for this awkwardness aren’t important, except to say, it has nothing to do with a failed romance (or any matter of the heart). We got along well when we worked together, but events transpired and each of us made an uncomfortable departure from that company.
Finally, I decided yesterday, enough is enough. The opportunity was right, so I started the conversation.
Turns out, he had no idea what had happened in my life. He thought I didn’t remember him, or worse. His discomfort had more to do with what he believed I thought of him than vice versa.
I’d seen him once shopping with his son, who’s adopted, and interracial. I asked if that was his son I’d seen him with, and he said yes, his eyes lighting up.
“He’s tall, like you,” I said.
He agreed, and smiled. Then I remembered what a friend had told me years ago: adoptive parents like hearing about nothing more than connections with their children, no matter how small.
Later I sent a text message to a friend who also had worked at the same company. “I completely misread his reaction,” I wrote.
My assumptions about what he was thinking were logical and consistent with what had happened with others, yet, they were completely wrong. How often do we assume we know what’s going on, even go so far as to say, “what else could it be?”
We don’t even have all the puzzle pieces of our own life, let alone others.
It could be plenty of other things.
You don’t know what you don’t know.
Image Credit: © Dashk — stock.adobe.com
My World With Words 
extremely important point and perfectly stated. Sooo true! Everyone always assumes when the easiest thing in the world is to ASK the source and NOT anyone else.
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You don’t know what you don’t know–I said that to someone and they lit up. They had never heard that expression before but it made so much sense to them. Good words, Belinda.
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I’ve encountered this so often, too, Belinda. I think that sometimes I weave a whole story with assumptions. There are so many stories I’ve told myself, which weren’t close to the truth. I admire your courage to break through and I think that is the answer. Rather than assume – to just find out! Great post and very thoughtful like all of your posts. 🙂
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Thank you. I’ve been guilty of this so many times, but I come by it honestly. My mom is a master at it. I’ve had to work hard to unlearn this “skill.”
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True words, and so well said!
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Thank you!
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Assumptions are always tricky. Asking questions/broaching the subject is always the better way to go. Good for you!
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Thank you! It’s a relief to know the truth.
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The wonderful mind field of scenarios. We cannot know for certain, unless we ask. xx
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The hard part, sometimes, is knowing to ask.
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…and sometimes it begins with asking ourselves, “What am I feeling, and why?” xx
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