My World With Words

Today in church, the birthday blessing featured one special young man, who turned 18 on Thursday. I’m proud of Edward because he’s come so far in his short life, and I’m proud of his aunt, my friend Mandy, because she’s help bring him to the point he’s at today.

She’s had custody of him from the time he was 12 or 13 (I forget exactly when). Initially it was meant to be temporary, but when that first period of just a few months was over, Edward asked to stay with Mandy. I would say begged, but he didn’t have to go that far. Mandy was willing to take him on full-time for the rest of his childhood.

His younger years, the first few of elementary school, at least, were rough. Things were bad at home and Edward was struggling in school. He was placed in a special ed. class, where he was lucky enough to have teachers who recognized his problems weren’t intellectual, they were a result of a bad home life. They encouraged him to do more and be more, knowing he was capable of it.

One of those teachers was another friend, Karen, who also went to my church. She usually attended a Saturday evening service, while Edward and Mandy went Sunday mornings. However, there was a Good Friday service where we all attended. Edward couldn’t wait to tell her about an award he’d received at school, and Karen was thrilled to hear about it.

I talked to Mandy after church today, and she’s worried about him as an adult. All parents do that, I think, at least the ones who care. However, Mandy has a particular reason to be concerned, Back in the day, she had dropped out of high school to raise her two brothers. One thanks her to do this day for her commitment and sacrifice, the other, Edward’s father, blames her for everything. I mean, even really stupid stuff. That’s who he is and Mandy knows it’s about him and not her, but she’s afraid Edward will take after his father. I don’t think she has to worry, but I understand her concern.

Edward is a great kid, I mean, young man, and so much of that is due to Mandy’s care of and love for him. I’ve known him and Mandy since he was 2 or 3, and watched both of them grow. I believe he’ll do well in the future. I believe in him, just as I believe in Mandy. Who, by the way, went on to get her GED. She didn’t let her past stop her.

Image Credits: Growth © artrachen–stock.adobe.com; Academic Achievement © Mallva–stock.adobe.com

I started to get the vacuum cleaner out when I noticed Mimi was smack dab in my way. I decided to let her continue to relax there rather than stressing her with my cleaning. Okay, it isn’t the cleaning so much as the cleaning apparatus that stresses her. Whatever the reason, and maybe I’m just being lazy, I left her alone with her thoughts.

Image Credits: Paws in Heart © Bigstock Photos; Cesar Cat © Belinda O

I like to take a look at the daily prompts WordPress provides, and earlier this week this prompt caught my attention: “What is the last thing you learned?” The last thing? Don’t you mean latest thing? The last thing would imply I’d learned everything I was going to learn, and now I’m dead. A poor choice of words.

Words are powerful. As kids we learned the phrase “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Who were we kidding? Not our parents, who knew just how much words could hurt us. It probably pained my parents to see me trying to hide just how much the taunting and teasing wounded me.

To this day, I remember the boy I had a crush on in junior high telling one of my friends I was nice, but a little weird. It stings just to write about it. There’s a part of me that wants to see him again–fifty years later– and prove to him I’m not so weird. However, I think the pain would come flooding back and I’d wonder if I did prove such a thing, or if I just verified what he already believed to be true.

Fortunately, the flip side is true as well. I still remember a friend telling me she knew she could trust me to keep a secret, and I “got it” when it came to the need for privacy. That resonated with me for a couple of reasons. One, I prided myself on my ability to keep quiet when someone confided in me, and I was glad to be known for that trait. Two, there was someone else who understood that private matters are just that–private. That wasn’t something that was particularly respected in my family growing up, and it was difficult dealing with what I saw as betrayal when someone broke a confidence.

Words are symbols. They represent things in our life that we each interpret differently. I doubt that eighth-grade love interest of mine had any idea how much he could hurt me by calling me “weird.” It maybe didn’t have nearly the same negative connotation to him that it had to me. “Weird” can have many meanings, although overall it generally is a negative thing to call someone.

Of course, “geek” was not a nice thing to call someone back when I was in school. Things change. With the proliferation of computers and gadgets these days, calling someone a geek might be a term of affection.

The times may change the meaning of some words, but their overall power never changes. I know I’ve hurt some people with the words I’ve used, and my deepest apologies go out to them. Hopefully I’m more careful these days.

Image Credits: Words © MarekPhotoDesign–stock.adobe.com; Girl being shamed © Biscotto Design–stock.adobe.com; Girl being accepted © Biscotto Design–stock.adobe.com

Years ago, twenty years ago, in fact, I had a boss who consistently lied to and manipulated his employees. I was told about this facet of his personality early on, but didn’t initially fully comprehend just how bad a problem it was.

Little by little, I started to figure it out. It all peaked when he called me and another employee into his office because of the dissension between us. We sat next to each other, arms folded in defiance, listening to our boss try to negotiate some peace.

Suddenly, it became clear to me what was going on. He had lied to me right and left about things she allegedly was saying about me. Glancing over, I could see the same revelation had struck her. We both listened to him ramble on until he dismissed us, and left the office in silence.

The damage had been done, however. We never to spoke to each other again, although other employees told me she no longer was mad at me.

It taught me a great lesson about trust. I always believed you trust someone until they give you reason not to, and to a certain extent, I follow that belief today. Now, however, I listen to what others have to say about an individual.

Maya Angelou said, “If someone shows you who they are, believe them.” I extend that to, “If someone shows who they are to a group of people who have proven they are trustworthy, believe that group of people.” It may sound cynical, but it’s not really. It’s simply paying attention to the clues.

I’ve always been a trusting person, and that trust has led to a fear of authority figures. I trust them, therefore they must be right. If they tell me I’m wrong, I believe them. At least I used to.

But the flip side of that is true for me, also.. I had a manager once who was gruff and abrupt. Her tone sounded like she was rolling her eyes, even if she wasn’t actually doing so. I mentioned this to a co-worker, and said I didn’t know if I could work for someone as difficult as this person appeared to be. That colleague assured me our manager was really a kind person, she just had a rough exterior. I believed her, and ended up working for this manager for four years.

Trust is a difficult thing. I was brought up in a household were you couldn’t trust what others were saying. My mom, in particular, violated my trust on a regular basis, to a point that when I was a teenager, I spoke to her as little as possible. Today, I still don’t confide in her.

I think my feelings about trust today can be summed up in what I learned in journalism school–trust, but verify. I modify that a bit to say trust, but protect yourself. I still generally trust others until I have reason not to, but I listen to what others have to say, too.

It’s a protective measure, and perhaps I have a shell around me because of it. I’m a bit of a turtle. But it’s the way I have to live. I’ve been hurt too many times to live any other way.

Image Credits: Turtle © ssstocker-stock.adobe.com; Trust (blocks) © thodonai–stock.adobe.com; Light bulb © Nikolai Titov–stock.adobe.com; Rolling eyes © Oleksandr Pokusai

…but what, I don’t know. I can’t resist that face, though, so I put my camera down, picked him up and gave him a big ol’ hug. Hopefully that was satisfactory.

Image Credits: Paws in Heart © Bigstock Photos; Cesar Cat © Belinda O; Cat Poster © a7880ss-stock.adobe.com