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Value Added

I belong to a writer’s group, and we’re always open to new members. It brings a new life and new perspective to the critiquing process, something any good writer welcomes. But we have a hard time finding the right people. That’s not to say people who are right with us, but rather, people who think we’re right for them.

We had one young woman we all liked and we thought she liked us, until she bowed out saying she didn’t have the time to write that she thought she would. Now, we don’t demand much, if anything, of our writers. If they don’t have time to write, they don’t have to submit. That seems to happen to everyone. We always have enough submissions to make the meetings worthwhile. So her excuse fell a little flat.

Later, we discovered through a mutual acquaintance of one of our members and this young woman, that she was intimidated by our ages. The youngest is in his thirties, but I’m the second youngest and I’m 63. The oldest is 88. She shouldn’t have been intimidated. She should have welcomed the experience.

Especially since she was majoring in 20th century history. Wow, what we could have shared with her based on our personal experiences and the stories from our parents. It might have added a whole new life to some of her lessons.

I know it’s difficult sometimes reaching out beyond your own age group, and there’s a discomfort if you’re primarily surrounded by people your own age. Recently I visited my dad in Palm Desert, CA, and we went to the Living Desert, which is a zoo featuring desert animals from around the world (including some wallabies, such as the ones pictured here just for fun.). We happened to be there on a day when they had Halloween treats and activities for the kids. It was also one of the first weekends in a very long time with tolerable outside temperatures.

My dad was uncomfortable around all these children. He’d been equally uncomfortable a few months before around all the college students, and even their parents, when he attended my nephew’s graduation from Tulane. He’s used to being with others in their 70s and 80s (he’s 87). Now, my dad gets along well with people and he’s not reclusive, He just mostly hangs out with people his own age.

But I hope we all can reach out beyond our comfort zone and learn from others in a different age group, whether they’re younger or older. History has value, but so does the latest cutting edge technology. We all have value.

Image Credits: Wallabies © dennisjacobsen–stock.adobe.com; People of All Ages © Kai Alves–stock.adobe.com; Woman at Computer © MP Studio–stock.adobe.com.

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Trust but Verify

Today while waiting for my lunch hour to arrive, a little hungry, a little cranky, I heard my co-worker Anna take a call from her daughter. Here’s what Anna said:

“You’re kidding! Where are you?”

“No, stay where you and do what they tell you to do.”

“I’ll stay on the phone with you.”

My antenna was up. I was afraid it might be what so many parents–and others without children–fear: a shooter on campus. It turned out I was close in what I’d been thinking. There’d been no gunfire, but police confiscated a gun from a student who’d brought it to school and was showing it to friends. He’d made no threats. He just was stupid about show-and-tell.

Anna, my co-worker, was calm throughout the entire conversation. Fortunately it didn’t take long for things to cool down, although students were told to stay in place for awhile after they’d arrested the boy. That got her daughter agitated, but Anna assured her there are procedures in place and while we may not understand them, we need to follow them.

Procedures in place. How many times have we questioned those in authority about one thing or the other, simply because we didn’t understand the whys of what they were doing? Or maybe we don’t question them per se, but get frightened because something seems to be taking too long.

Doctors order tests with certain symptoms simply to rule things out, but they’re also protecting themselves. What if they didn’t check it out and it resulted in lifelong consequences, or even death, for a patient? Yes, the tests can be expensive, but I don’t believe the doctors are doing it to make money. I believe they’re covering their you-know-whats, emotionally and financially. And it’s the responsible thing to do.

It pays to question those in authority if we’re wondering what’s going on rather than surmise what they’re doing. A lot of people would prefer to gossip and moan instead of getting the truth. Don’t be one of them. Trust those who have proven themselves worth of that trust, and ask questions when you can about why they do what they do.

And pray that your school campuses are safe. Procedures can save lives.

Image Credits: Woman on phone © Malik/peopleimages.com–stock.adobe.com; Doctor/Patient © sebra–stock.adobe.com

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Hey Friend…

Hang in there. You lost your mom so fast, they told you she still had years to live and it turned out to be weeks. She was so young, no one knows that better than me. She was exactly three weeks older than me.

You told me tonight you’re depressed, and thank God, you’re reaching out for help. I’m proud of you for that, because when you’re depressed, it can be hard to move. You lose faith in the possibility of change, so you don’t bother to take any steps that might make things better.

But you’ve been down there before and I don’t think you want to be there again. Your life is looking good these days, or it was before this happened, and you don’t want to lose everything like you did the last time. I want to hug you for recognizing all of those things, and I want you to take action before you start to feel worse and lose track of their truth.

There are things in your life I hope you can change, people I hope you will tell to shove off and others I hope you will let in. You have us. It isn’t the same, I know, but we will never leave.

(I know you’ll never tell those people to shove off, and it wouldn’t really be right to do so anyway. But is it too much to ask that they learn some boundaries? It would be like a light in a dark room, a room that had gradually been getting dimmer, so you didn’t realize how little you could see until it was illuminated.)

Call us, we’ll come over and cook dinner. Bad idea. We’ll pick up a pizza. We’ll spend the night, stay up and talk or watch you sleep. Call us, even if you don’t know what you need. We’ll figure it out.

Okay, I can’t really send you this letter.  All I can do is back my words up with actions, so I’m going to go do a little of that right now.

We love you.

Image Credits: Puppy/Kitty © Claudia Nass–stock.adobe.com; Angel Statue © radekcho–stock.adobe.com

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The Wisdom of Walter

It’s been a tough week for several of my friends, and it’s hard to say how things are going to fall out for some of them. It’s a scary world when the future is uncertain. But Walter says, take it one day at a time. Don’t worry about tomorrow, today has enough troubles of its own. Pray. And when things get really rough, give your kitty a hug.

Image Credits: Cesar Cat © Belinda O, Paws in Heart, © bigstockphoto.com, Heart in Paws © Reiu–stock.adobe.com

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Dream Job From Hell

The dream job from hell, was how my roommate described it, and to this day I find the description fits. Time hasn’t changed the fear and disgust that went with working with that man, in fact, it’s only intensified it. By the same token, I’m grateful for what may have been my one chance to travel overseas.

Before the DJfH, I had had an internship at a local TV station, and unlike so many such jobs, I actually got to do some real-life work there. Most interns at the other stations in town were relegated to menial and demeaning tasks, occasionally called upon to help someone in the field if there was a particularly distasteful job to do.

But I got to write, which I loved, and I learned to write concisely. A five-second promo spot takes special skill, and I became very good at it. There are numerous factors that go into writing that sort of thing, selecting the compelling stories, the rate at which the anchor delivering the spot speaks, and the quirks of the individual anchors (one, for example, couldn’t start a sentence with a word beginning with “W” — which is problematic for five-second promos. If you pay attention, you’ll hear so many start like this: “Will your taxes…?” or “Who is planning…?”).

My supervisor took note, and when he started his own business, working with television stations in Europe, I jumped at the job offer he made. Of course I’d been looking for full-time, permanent work for over a year when he spoke with me, and the combination of so badly wanting to work in my field and the glamour of traveling overseas blinded me to a few, in retrospect, glaring problems.

First, he had a drinking problem. A bad one. Second, and this one almost got me arrested in France once, he had a drug problem. A bad one.

And third, fidelity in marriage meant nothing to him, and unbeknownst to me until we were on foreign soil, he expected me to jump in bed with him as soon as we were in a new city. Which wasn’t about to happen. He was a good-looking man, but I say that with distaste, because it led him to expect he could manipulate women, which he did. Repeatedly.

I quickly refused to work with him, and quit that job. Soon, however, a colleague I trusted came up with an alternative plan, one that would keep me from working directly with this man but would still allow me to travel some.

That lasted a fairly short time. It simply wasn’t going to work, and the company was floundering to boot.

Still, I got to see Athens, with my hotel room overlooking the transparent and brilliant blue sea. I spent time in Nice, Marseilles and Paris and fumbled with the French I’d studied for six years (I never did get particularly good at understanding others speak it, but I was much better with my own foreign language speaking skills after this misadventure). I saw Hamburg and Munich and cathedrals throughout Germany

More important than all of that, I learned a lot of discretion and any number of valuable truths about life that some people, I’ve discovered, never figure out. I know the signs of trouble with married men, and I know nothing is as glamorous as it seems.

And I learned a lot about people by getting to know them in other cultures. The light shines on different areas when you’re not in your comfort zone, and you come to appreciate the sometimes hidden qualities in those around you.

I wouldn’t do it all over again, but I’ve learned the worst experiences can have solid results, things that shape and change you and make you a better person as the years go by.

Suitcase

Image Credits: (TV set and Eiffel Tower) © BigStock; Passport © stock.adobe.com