Cesar and me are ready for the game!So you’ve been invited to a friend’s house to watch the football game on their ginormous TV. Everyone is going, and you don’t feel like sitting at home alone.

I’ll never be an expert, by any definition, of any sport, but I do have some expertise in pretending to care.

First, a little insight into my own level of knowledge of the game of football, and then a few tips for getting through enjoying the game, or at least letting your friends think you do:

Some years ago,

I was late for my first date with a man who ended up being my boyfriend for an eternity. “I’m so sorry,” I said as I sidled up next to him at the bar (classy date, huh?). “I just had to watch the end of the football game. I know it’s only pre-season, but so-and-so is back from injuries and I wanted to see how he’d do.”

Condescending look. “That’s okay,” he said, “How did he do?”

I went into a two-minute recap of a game it turned out he’d watched in its entirety at that same bar. As I spoke, he had a look of increasing surprise, and when I finished he said, with a tone of incredulity, “You really do know football!”

So I know a little. However, I could have grasped only one fact about football — where the fifty-yard line is — and he would have been equally amazed. My point being, you’re probably not facing great expectations, and I can help you meet them.

50 yard line US Football s

Damn right you should be impressed.

Okay, that’s tip #1, illustrated. The fifty-yard line is smack-dab in the middle of the field going the long way. Once you’ve got that one down, here’s how to further pretend you love the game:

#2 Wear team colors

in some sort of tacky fashion. Mismatched socks will do. This will take a little pre-game research, but it’s important if for no other reason than you shouldn’t be wearing the other team’s colors.

#3 Bring a beastly yet delicious snack treat

and call it your “traditional football (name of food).” Don’t over-think this one. Remember, football fans love melted Velveeta cheese mixed with canned chili. The bar is not set high.

#4 Listen to the others gripe about the game,

and take your cues for shaking your head and saying, “you are SO right about THAT!” This tip is a little tricky since someone may ask a for a follow-up, so only do it if you dare.

#5 Every time you hear someone on TV say,

“it’s first and ten…”Β  yell, “FIRST AND TEN! DO IT AGAIN!”

(If someone points out the other team has the ball, smile sheepishly and say, “just another chance for our guys to sack the quarterback.” What that answer lacks in logic it makes up for with perceived quick thinking and advanced beginner knowledge.)

#6 Forget it.

You’re not fooling anyone. Take out your cell phone and text all your real friends about how bored you are.


Image Credit: (football field, w/o writing) Β© gomolach — Fotolia


30 Comments on “how to pretend you care about football

  1. Hahaha loved this. I got SUPER into NFL when I was around 10 with my younger brother. All of my guy friends were so impressed. I had so much gear, knew 5 players names. And that’s all I needed to make some pretty awesome guy friends hahah

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yep, it does not take much to impress the average man when it comes to knowledge of football. πŸ™‚ Five players’ names? That’s right up there in the “expert” category ha ha ha

      Liked by 3 people

  2. My sister and I love football.
    I miss the days when the 2 of us and Bobby , would watch it together. Each of us in the proper Tshirt if we had one….and we did for our favorite teams. Hats.
    There was a family bar we liked that we would go and watch the games. There was an area for the kids to play and usually someone there to keep an I on them.
    It was just a fun place to go.
    The best part for me though as always been the togetherness shared.
    Mike and Leah, Donna’s kids didn’t watch the games back them. But, Bobby did,. He was fascinated by all of it. He knew many of the guys names and what position they played.

    After the togetherness CAME THE FOOD.
    Donna and I both love to cook. We made an awesome green chili dish we would take.
    I remember winning the bet after the BEARS Won in 1986????
    $300.00
    I put some aside for a special treat for Bobby and the kids. The rest was used to buy a round of drinks….(only as much as I had).
    We had such good times back then.
    As Bobby grew, his love for the sport grew.
    Even AFTER he moved out …..we would watch the games together.,,,either at the house or at his apartment.
    WE HAD FUN!
    GREAT FUN.

    I seldom watch it any more since we don’t have good TV reception most of the time.
    I really don’t don’t like to watch it by myself. Donna lives in Illinois.
    Danny would watch it with me.
    Nope….Unless it is the Super Bowl and the Broncos are playing …..I would rather watch it with almost anyone else
    Football games are suppose to be loud. Noisy…(Although I can’t handle the noise much any more)
    People talking …..lot’s of animation.
    Fun.
    Food.
    Show some excitement.

    Danny understands the game.. More than most men probably do.
    He will tell you what there will do before they do it.
    Unemotionally. He won’t wear COLORS. He doesn’t usually care who wins.
    There is no ANIMATION with him. It is ALL science and skill.

    HE IS BORING TO WATCH A GAME WITH.
    I don’t want someone telling me about each and every play.
    I want SOMEONE TO SHOW SOME EXCITEMENT.
    AT LEAST FOR THE FOOD I MAKE FOR IT.

    HE IS NOT A FOOD LOVER.
    HE DOESN’T ENJOY FOOD LIKE MOST OF US DO.

    NASCAR is about the ONLY thing I can STAND watching with him. At least I know who he likes and doesn’t like.

    Belinda,
    As you can tell , I loved your post.
    LOL

    Happy Saturday!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I really enjoyed your post too….. and can relate…. although I never pretended to like the game….. I just plain had no interest. Then something happened. Two years ago, I would have been 64 at the time, I started feeling like watching the Seahawks, my home team. The first year I “watched” the game and enjoyed it, but I “watched” it in a way that I usually missed every important play because I multi-tasked all the way through it. Still, I went to their Superbowl victory parade and stood outside with a crowd estimated to be more than a half million people for two hours in 20 degree weather. I couldn’t believe I was doing it, but the process of getting there (the light rail broke down) and being there was actually fun.

    The second year I started “seeing” it more when I watched. It had become a priority in my life the first year but the second year it was fully a priority in my life.

    And this year it is almost top priority. Who would have thought I’d become an avid fan, certainly not me! I don’t intend to start watching other teams play, but I’ve learned to never say never!

    Hmmm …. maybe I will write a post about this. Thanks for the inspiration.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: Owning My Priorities | Living, Learning and Letting Go

  5. Pingback: how to really pretend you care about football | belinda o

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