Today at my writer’s group I finally had a chance to share something with one of the women there. She lost her husband about a year ago to a bad fall. A few months after he died, I was idly listening to NPR during their fundraising week when one story caught my attention. They told about a donation from a group of men who had raised money in memory of a buddy. It wasn’t a large group, I found out later, maybe eight or nine men, but together they gathered more than a thousand dollars in memory of Bob, my writer friend’s husband.
I was moved to tears. I’d never met Bob, but I knew his wife from our shared love of writing. I wanted to tell her how I felt when I learned of this donation, but the time was never right. Today we critiqued a piece she’d written about him, sharing what a fun-loving man he was as well as the horror of his fall. The time, I decided, was now.
It’s hard to know what to say and when to say it when someone you don’t see often or don’t know well suffers a serious loss. A woman I had worked with for only a few weeks lost her mom to Covid in the middle of the pandemic. My co-worker returned to the job two days after her mom died, taking one day off a week later for the funeral. When I expressed my sympathy, she snapped and said, “don’t worry about it.”
I wasn’t sure about the layered meaning of her retort and her quick return to work, and I didn’t know who to ask. Later she opened up more and said she felt guilty about her mom’s death, thinking she should have done more to protect her. I understood that.
As humans, we experience the death of those we are close to. Even having gone through the death of a loved one, we’re often at a loss with what to say to others experiencing the same thing. A card is good, we know, but what happens when we see them again? Will they break down crying if we say something, and what do we do then?
I have no answers for this. I remember when my stepdad died, a friend warned me that some people were going to say really tacky things and to be prepared. He was right. It made me wonder if I’d been guilty of the same thing in the past, and even now I wonder if I have been thoughtless in some way I’m not aware of.
We can only pray and hope for increased sensitivity and maturity. Life is a journey we take together.
Image Credit: © Butch–stock.adobe.com
A few years ago I was struck down, metaphorically speaking, by circumstances I felt were outside of my control. I’ve since realized I do have a lot more say in what happens to me, but at the time, I was easily controlled by people in authority or even just people with a lot more self-confidence. I was too nice, too eager to please.
Life can be difficult, but it also can be joyous. Most of the time we land somewhere in between. Right now, life is good for me. There are struggles, but I have the support of family and friends. I know the path I need to take to solve some of my problems, although that doesn’t always mean I do what I’m supposed to. The consequences are mostly mine to bear, and for that I’m grateful. I don’t want others to have their happiness depend on me.
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I was shaking the rest of the morning. Not because of what happened to Rita (although I felt terrible for her), but what it means for me. The brunt of the workload is going to fall on me now, and I still don’t know how to do everything. I expect Rita will be out at least a month and I’m scared. Yes, it’s a chance to prove myself, and I’m trying to focus on that, but it’s scary asking questions my manager might expect me to know the answers to by now.![AdobeStock_308598167 [Converted]](https://myworldwithwords.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/adobestock_308598167-converted.png)
Of course in the middle of this newly-added pressure at work, my TV completely poops out. Doesn’t even power on. I had to resort to watching my streaming channels on my laptop, which has its limitations. I looked online at what was available in the way of new TVs and realized I’m still in the 20th century when it comes to television sets. Okay, maybe not completely. But close to the turn of the century. I mean, what is a smart TV?
And the last good/bad thing to happen? I had a health scare, which forced me to confront some of my bad eating habits. I’ve changed and lost five pounds–I’m close to my goal weight, which is a good thing since losing that weight was a New Year’s resolution and I’ve struggled every day with it. I just couldn’t get it together until I had a concrete reason to do so.
I have a friend, also from college, whose husband has ALS. Her honesty about the heartbreak and her integrity toward her family is a shining example of rising. Another college friend went through a series of tragedies, too much to detail here, and in her darkest moments she told me this just wasn’t what she expected out of life. Both women have persevered and are role models for me of how life will change you, one way or the other, and it’s up to you how you handle it.
My World With Words 
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