I’ve typically been a forgiving sort of person, especially if I feel I’ve been heard, that the offender has truly listened to my side.
When I haven’t been able to express my feelings or concerns, it’s a little harder, but still, usually I move on. It’s easier that way.
Admittedly, sometimes I may revisit a situation years later, typically when I’m experiencing something similar in nature. Thankfully that never lasts a notable period of time.
forgiving when the other person stubbornly remains the same is the challenge.
I don’t know how admirable it is to forgive & forget when someone has acknowledged your concerns. It’s forgiving when the other person stubbornly remains the same that’s the challenge. What happens when the person who has hurt me seemingly listens to me, then proceeds to cross me in the same way time and time again?
I have a friend who regularly oversteps boundaries with controlling behavior and gossip. It drives me batty, and I’ve tried repeatedly to talk through the problem with her. She seems to hear, then goes right back to doing what she did before.
Her attitude toward me is that of parent to child, and it’s to a point that at times I’m ready to walk away from the friendship because of my anger and frustration. It gets to be more than I can deal with effectively.
I don’t say as much because it would hurt her deeply, and I care too much about her to choose to do that. At the same time, she’s pushing her limits, and my measured responses aren’t getting through. So I remain angry and frustrated.
It hardly seems worth the forgiving, because even if I do, I’m just going to have to start the whole process again.
I know the response of my faith should be to forgive continuously, but I haven’t figured out how to do that. Overall my affection for her outweighs my anger, so in that way I do forgive and forget…until the next time.
And that’s the dilemma of all our relationships, I suppose. We are who we are and some things aren’t going to change, no matter how much we know they should. So we seethe until the boiling goes to a simmer, then cools off completely, knowing the fire will light again.
It’s either that or be alone. Some days that choice is tougher than others.
Certain details of this story have been changed to protect identity. I discussed what I wrote about in this blog piece with my friend before posting it, and seeing it in writing helped her understand my feelings. Our friendship remains strong.
Image Credit: © yurolaitsalbert – Fotolia
My World With Words 
Forgiveness is supposed to be something people of Faith give without reservation but I have found those folks to often be among the most unforgiving. Each situation is unique and obviously some mistakes are easier to forgive than others. Yet, my experience is some of the most allegedly religious folks have been very reluctant to forgive and move forward. In fairness it should be noted I struggled with the same hypocrisy as a young man and it has been only by getting older and gaining more life experience that I have gotten to a point where I can now honestly forgive without reservation.
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Agreed! Well, on the first part — of course I don’t know you to make any comment on the second!
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Friendships like the one you described can be very challenging. THere are times when a healthy space is needed so that the friendship can ‘alter’ into something a little more healthy. Blessing to you during these holidays.
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You’re absolutely right, and I’m hoping we can work toward something healthier and stronger. Blessings to you as well.
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There is a difference between forgiveness and being a doormat. You can and should walk away from a “friendship” that doesn’t add joy to your life. It’s taken me much too long to realize sometimes friendships have a life span and end.
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This is a tough one and a bit more complex than one blog post could cover (or really, should cover), but I completely agree with you.
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Great posting and if it is possible, a dialogue could be established if this blog post is emailed to the friend. A great friendship will evolve over time.
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We’re working on it. She doesn’t see the problem, but others do and are also talking to her, helping her understand I still care and want to be her friend or I’d be long gone. This is a problem that has cost her many friends in the past and no one wants it to continue, so in a way I’m grateful I can be here to help change things for both of us.
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For some of our family and friends, it takes a while for them to understand their faults as pointed out by others. However, at least, they are consistent in their behavior. :-)
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And I can’t always claim to have 20/20 vision on my own faults, either. 🙂
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Great post that I can relate to. Most of us have someone like this in our circle. I’ve tried to help these people see their bad behavior and understand boundaries, to no avail. Sometimes we have to limit our contact with negative people in order to stay positive. Good luck.
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