This year, like the last several, I’ll be spending Christmas day alone. Well, I’ll be working in the morning, but by choice, once the work is done, I’ll go home and spend the rest of the day by myself.

Last year I spent part of Christmas starting this blog. You wouldn’t know it to look at my archives; that’s largely in part because anything worth reading that I posted early on I’ve since re-posted, or rather, moved to a more recent date.

But here’s the post that started it all. It was written after a brief moment of despair, and I’ve re-read it numerous times to remind myself of the strength I have within:

“December 25, 2014

you bought me the book“I’m not motivated by New Year’s Resolutions. No surprise there, most people aren’t. No surprise what does motivate me either: trying to impress someone important to me is always a big one. Problem is, that comes and goes. Here’s the reason that actually works: finally realizing my life is truly better and I’m going to attract better things when I do things the right way. And typically it has taken failure in my life, and some humiliation, to get to that realization.

“My friends say, oh, we each worry about those things a lot more than others do. After all, we have to live with our own failings, our stupidity, our repeated efforts to resolve what’s gone wrong with yet one more foolish gesture.

“Right now I’m faced with what seems to me to be huge failure brought on by circumstances I had no control over. Wisdom from others tells me to learn to control what I can and live with what I can’t, but what I can’t control has taken over and felled me. Now I need to stand up and return to where I was only a short time ago. But will I fall again? Probably. That which I do not control will always be with me, and I fear that those I care about will leave me.

“So I must do what I can to perhaps ward off the beast that follows me everywhere for longer than before. I must learn from this and pray I have another chance that will allow me to succeed. I weep at the thought I won’t, and realize I now have little control over that, but in and of itself there could stand a truth I need to learn. Truth that belies what I have held so dear for so long.

“I face difficult yet not insurmountable odds. I tell myself I can take advantage with hard work and fierce resolve, with fortitude and purpose. No trite quotes for me, but strength of mind and character prevail. This year was better than last. I can’t guarantee next year will be better than this, but I’m hopeful it will be.”

Happy Holidays, all my blogging friends, followers and those who I’ll get to know in this next year of blogging.


 

Image credits: (clock) © Jakub Krechowicz – Fotolia ; (calendar) © stillfx – Fotolia; background © Leksustuss — Dreamstime.

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22 Comments on “strength from all sources — a year of blogging

  1. Belinda, it was interesting of you to “drag out” that first post and you hopefully feel you are now headed for bigger and better things in the days, weeks, months and even years ahead. But as others before me have already said…one thing that is an absolutely certainty in your world is you are not alone…your blogging buds are always “on call!” Happy Holidays!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It was kind of bittersweet re-reading that post and remembering the circumstances that led me to write it, and events that followed that were challenging and painful as well. However, this has been a learning year and one of a great deal of growth. Blogging has been a surprising channel for many thoughts and emotions that have propelled me forward and I’m grateful for everyone who has been a part of that experience!

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  3. Dear Belinda, I am going to make a “happiness” suggestion: write down 5 things that you can do that you think will make you happy this year. Could be anything…taking a dance class, learning to draw, writing everyday, making a new friend every month, reading an inspirational book every month, cleaning your closet or your desk… Also write down when you will do them. Then do them. Perhaps you’ll tackle one thing in January and another next month…or maybe you’ll work on all of them at once. Be realistic of what you can accomplish and set yourself up for success. Also, jot down something you are grateful for, everyday. If you keep a calendar, you could jot it there, or you could type it into your cell phone, like I do. All the best to you in 2016 and always, from your blogging friend.

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