Posted on by Belinda O

It’s Late, and I’m Worried

I’m up late, way too late. I have to go to work early tomorrow…make that later this morning. But my mom is in the hospital 700 miles away with a blood clot in her lung, and I don’t know if she’s going to be okay.

jerry me beth julie morgan
My stepdad Jerry, me, my sister Beth, her friend Julie, Julie’s son Morgan. c 1987

Nearly 30 years ago my stepdad died after heart surgery when a blood clot traveled from his leg to his heart and stopped his heart in the middle of the night. I remember getting that call, making the call to his ex-wife so she could tell his children, my mom in shock, unable to talk to anybody. I remember Jerry’s niece Rita calling. She couldn’t talk, she could only cry. Rita lost her husband on their honeymoon later that summer, and she herself died only a few years after that.

Funny the thoughts that go through your head when you’re feeling helpless.

Will I be making the long drive to see my mom again, or will she be able to take care of herself? She should have been taking aspirin after her surgery. Aspirin is a blood thinner. I don’t know if she was.

She called the doctor’s office because of what she described as a “knot” in her back, and they told her to go to the emergency room. She called me and said, “well, I don’t have a ride.” I told her to call 911. She said “okay, but I have to get to the bank first. I have a ride to the bank.” I told her to promise me she’d call 911. She promised.

Fifteen minutes later she called me and said the ambulance was on the way.

mom thom
My mom and my brother in 1999

I called my brother. He’s taking over the phone calls in the morning. I’m grateful. I called him right after I talked to my mom, and we didn’t hear from her again for four hours.

He lives on yet another side of the country, so he can’t get there quickly either, plus he has a family.

I called him after my mom called me, and my niece, who’s 16, answered. I told her, “Grandma’s in the hospital,” and she gasped. I forgot, she’s just a kid. I quickly reassured her it was just for observation, downplayed any seriousness. My brother said she was okay. The kids lost their other grandma a few years ago and it was really hard for them. They don’t want to lose my mom, too.

Neither do I.

29 Replies to “It’s Late, and I’m Worried”

      1. I coped with the decline of both my parents -it was harder than I ever anticipated. I continued to write for my blog because it was my therapy. I remember well that feeling of being on edge waiting for the ball to drop. I really feel for you. Your past experience gives you every reason to be edgy. Hang in there and take good care of yourself.

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      1. Yes, when we go through some challenging times, we just cannot look at the bright side of it… most difficult to do at that point and sometimes even after, but that silver lining sometimes is hidden, and in this case – strengthening your relationships 🙂 You are still able to be positive in the midst of all this and that is truly inspiring 🙂

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        1. Thank you. Right now, at this second, things are okay, so it’s easier to be positive, but I’m scared of saying “all is well” or anything like that. It just seems to be tempting fate!

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  12. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers! You have a gift of writing but it’s also obvious, you have a gift of love! ❤️ May God be close to you always!

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