Fear, the Future and Moving Forward

When I was just under two years old, I feared nothing. Okay, not true. The only way I’d go down the slide was on my tummy, feet first, so apparently my fear of heights started early. But feeding ducks? Couldn’t get me to do that today (what if they bit me?) but as a toddler, if Grandpa told me it was okay, I was a trusting soul.


Admittedly, it took me a little bit to get into it, but once I did, I was all in.

Not too many people I trust that implicitly any more, I’m afraid. I’ve learned there’s value in counsel from many, and accepting the advice of one person in a life-changing situation, no matter how adamant they may be that they are right, is rarely the wise thing to do.

It takes me time to process things. Sometimes someone will make a suggestion and I’ll dismiss it out of hand. If they push it, I’ll push back, and get angry, defensive. I need time to think it through. Later I may come back and say, “hey, what about…?” and make the same suggestion they did only days before, frustrating the bejeebers out of them.

Other times I know I’m right, and I’ll push back, and that, too, will irritate my friends, who don’t see the difference. Not long ago I had a friend who, in all sincerity, thought I was taking a situation “too seriously” and not looking at things “the way they really are.”

I was living the situation; he wasn’t. I knew just how serious it was. He was frustrated because of my perceived attitude; I was equally perturbed by his stubborn refusal to accept my experience as valuable in evaluating the situation.

me graduation
Me at my college graduation — finally, at the age of 30

I struggle, daily, with important decisions. I seek advice from friends and family, and I look at past decisions, I write blog posts (some published, some not) about what I would or would not like to see happen.

There are aspects of my life I want changed now and things I want to change in the future. I lie awake at night thinking about what I need to do to protect my future, and worrying some things will never change if I don’t take baby steps.

Some days I take the baby steps, then I forget to do so again for months at a time, losing any momentum I may have gained.

Moving forward is an ever-challenging, often exasperating, sometimes exhausting, yet ultimately exhilarating practice. It can happen slowly, then suddenly speed up and leave you spinning.

I never want to stop moving forward, growing and achieving personal freedom as a result. For me, it requires re-evaluation every so often, and I’m doing that now.

And looking forward to the next chapter.




14 Replies to “Fear, the Future and Moving Forward”

  1. I understand this – sometimes I get frustrated and feel like I haven’t gotten enough done. Looking back at past accomplishments puts everything in perspective. The best part is looking forward with enthusiasm to those next chapters. You’ll get there. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sometimes I want things to move faster than they are, and sometimes I don’t see the progress I’ve made until later. I have to keep reminding myself of that! Thank you for the encouragement.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re not alone! I’ve been working on a book and lots of albums for 6 years now. It’s really hard finishing anything. I love improvement, but it makes it hard to know when something is really done. I’m glad if I’ve encouraged you!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. You do have your own ways with words. You personal anecdotes are as engrossing as any fictional tales. And these words: “Moving forward is an ever-challenging, often exasperating, sometimes exhausting, yet ultimately exhilarating practice.” just make my head nod a lot of times. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

            1. I totally relate to your feelings. I’ve been in a period of change for awhile now and still not sure what the right direction is: afraid to move forward, but afraid not to. Afraid that I’ll make the wrong decision and regret it later. Moving forward often means leaving people and things behind. It’s very hard AND very scary…if only we had a crystal ball to see the future before we decide…

              Liked by 1 person

  3. I definitely have gotten more deliberate with decisions as I’ve gotten older and think with added life experience have also found great merit in doing nothing but quiet contemplation. There is much to be said for “being still.” Sometimes our advancement towards our goals and objectives cannot take place as fast as we would like – we’re very impatient creatures we humans..Sometimes that advancement is best achieved – and assured -when one stops and thinks clearly about how best to get where we want to go. I have never seen shame in thinking through something before taking the first step, the next step or the final step. The important thing I find is to take command of my mind and convince myself that I am moving forward…even while “being still.” As for feeding the ducks I’m all in…dropping the food in front of them and not moving any further forward.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. there is nothing wrong with taking as long as you need to make a decision. Funny because with big decisions, I make those in a snap (like moving from NJ to FL or selling a house because I was realized I didn’t like it) but the small decisions (to get my haircut or not…) are the ones I agonize over. Why is that??

    Liked by 1 person

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