How to Pretend You Care About Football

Cesar and me ready for the game!For those of you who’ve seen this post already, thank you for your loyalty! It’s been a year and a half since I first posted it, and some of you are still here! You may enjoy seeing it again, and for some of you, it’s new — and timely.

Enjoy the game tomorrow!

So you’ve been invited to a friend’s house to watch the football game on their ginormous TV. Everyone is going, and you don’t feel like sitting at home alone.

I’ll never be an expert, by any definition, of any sport, but I do have some expertise in pretending to care.

First, a little insight into my own level of knowledge of the game of football, and then a few tips for getting through enjoying the game, or at least letting your friends think you do:

Some years ago,

I was late for my first date with a man who ended up being my boyfriend for an eternity. “I’m so sorry,” I said as I sidled up next to him at the bar (classy date, huh?). “I just had to watch the end of the football game. I know it’s only pre-season, but so-and-so is back from injuries and I wanted to see how he’d do.”

Condescending look. “That’s okay,” he said, “How did he do?”

I went into a two-minute recap of a game it turned out he’d watched in its entirety at that same bar. As I spoke, he had a look of increasing surprise, and when I finished he said, with a tone of incredulity, “You really do know football!”

So I know a little. However, I could have grasped only one fact about football — where the fifty-yard line is — and he would have been equally amazed. My point being, you’re probably not facing great expectations, and I can help you meet them.

50 yard line US Football s
Damn right you should be impressed.

Okay, that’s tip #1, illustrated. The fifty-yard line is smack-dab in the middle of the field going the long way. Once you’ve got that one down, here’s how to further pretend you love the game:

#2 Wear team colors

in some sort of tacky fashion. Mismatched socks will do. This will take a little pre-game research, but it’s important if for no other reason than you shouldn’t be wearing the other team’s colors.

#3 Bring a beastly yet delicious snack treat

and call it your “traditional football (name of food).” Don’t over-think this one. Remember, football fans love melted Velveeta cheese mixed with canned chili. The bar is not set high.

#4 Listen to the others gripe about the game,

and take your cues for shaking your head and saying, “you are SO right about THAT!” This tip is a little tricky since someone may ask a for a follow-up, so only do it if you dare.

#5 Every time you hear someone on TV say,

“it’s first and ten…”  yell, “FIRST AND TEN! DO IT AGAIN!”

(If someone points out the other team has the ball, smile sheepishly and say, “just another chance for our guys to sack the quarterback.” What that answer lacks in logic it makes up for with perceived quick thinking and advanced beginner knowledge.)

#6 Forget it.

You’re not fooling anyone. Take out your cell phone and text all your real friends about how bored you are.

Image Credit: (football field, w/o writing) © gomolach — Fotolia

11 Replies to “How to Pretend You Care About Football”

  1. haha! Luckily my husband is not into sports–except for fishing–so we won’t even be watching the game. My son, on the other hand……I daren’t text him if our house was on fire! He is Mr Sports Illustrated! But in a really fun way.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. LOL! That’s so funny. I’m actually a Patriots fan, football fan, fantasy football player and lover of the game. But I can sympathize with those who do not understand or like the game, how they would find it boring, but the snacks and cheers are fun!! And the high-fiving all around can really be a great workout too. Enjoy what you can tomorrow! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I enjoy football, even though my team came far from making it this year. I still appreciate a well-calculated pass or a clever interception (by the “right” team, of course!). Hope today’s game is worthy of the title “championship”!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Who is your team? I may have had a player of theirs on my fantasy team. I was just thinking I’m not nervous about the game tonight and if Atlanta wins that would be okay with me because they have never won and I know the thrill and joy of winning and would know that they were experiencing those feelings and more! Enjoy the game. 🏈


  3. My wife and I prefer to take in the Super Bowl by ourselves. Over the years we’ve attended a couple parties but it isn’t our thing. You often can’t hear what’s going on whether it’s the game or the commercials, half the people don’t know how to process what’s going on with the football game itself…and the majority of folks there are too “juiced” to comprehend anything even if they could hear…or knew the sport. Super Bowl Sundays remind me of New Year’s Eves. You can have a much better time staying in. I do feel for folks who don’t care one bit about football being dragged to a Super Bowl party…or for that matter just having to listen to it chatted up as being a major news item for two weeks.

    Liked by 1 person

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