Posted on by Belinda O

Trust, but Protect Yourself

Years ago, twenty years ago, in fact, I had a boss who consistently lied to and manipulated his employees. I was told about this facet of his personality early on, but didn’t initially fully comprehend just how bad a problem it was.

Little by little, I started to figure it out. It all peaked when he called me and another employee into his office because of the dissension between us. We sat next to each other, arms folded in defiance, listening to our boss try to negotiate some peace.

Suddenly, it became clear to me what was going on. He had lied to me right and left about things she allegedly was saying about me. Glancing over, I could see the same revelation had struck her. We both listened to him ramble on until he dismissed us, and left the office in silence.

The damage had been done, however. We never to spoke to each other again, although other employees told me she no longer was mad at me.

It taught me a great lesson about trust. I always believed you trust someone until they give you reason not to, and to a certain extent, I follow that belief today. Now, however, I listen to what others have to say about an individual.

Maya Angelou said, “If someone shows you who they are, believe them.” I extend that to, “If someone shows who they are to a group of people who have proven they are trustworthy, believe that group of people.” It may sound cynical, but it’s not really. It’s simply paying attention to the clues.

I’ve always been a trusting person, and that trust has led to a fear of authority figures. I trust them, therefore they must be right. If they tell me I’m wrong, I believe them. At least I used to.

But the flip side of that is true for me, also.. I had a manager once who was gruff and abrupt. Her tone sounded like she was rolling her eyes, even if she wasn’t actually doing so. I mentioned this to a co-worker, and said I didn’t know if I could work for someone as difficult as this person appeared to be. That colleague assured me our manager was really a kind person, she just had a rough exterior. I believed her, and ended up working for this manager for four years.

Trust is a difficult thing. I was brought up in a household were you couldn’t trust what others were saying. My mom, in particular, violated my trust on a regular basis, to a point that when I was a teenager, I spoke to her as little as possible. Today, I still don’t confide in her.

I think my feelings about trust today can be summed up in what I learned in journalism school–trust, but verify. I modify that a bit to say trust, but protect yourself. I still generally trust others until I have reason not to, but I listen to what others have to say, too.

It’s a protective measure, and perhaps I have a shell around me because of it. I’m a bit of a turtle. But it’s the way I have to live. I’ve been hurt too many times to live any other way.

Image Credits: Turtle © ssstocker-stock.adobe.com; Trust (blocks) © thodonai–stock.adobe.com; Light bulb © Nikolai Titov–stock.adobe.com; Rolling eyes © Oleksandr Pokusai

17 Replies to “Trust, but Protect Yourself”

  1. I had a supervisor who consistently prefaced so much of what she said with, “Trust me.” Worst words to say because my guard was always up after that. Blind faith? I don’t think so.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  2. Trust, but verify! Great advice from the world of journalism. I had a toxic boss once. Before she was hired, one of my co-workers had done some research amongst her professional peers to find out what others thought/felt about our soon-to-be-new boss. The world on the street was that she would not be fun, and my co-worker wisely started applying for a new job elsewhere. I stayed and watched as (no exaggeration) an entire staff of 20 full-time + 20 part-time employees were either fired, laid off or left of their own (wise and healthy) volition over the course of four years. This is a very wise and helpful blog post. Thank you for writing it!

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

      1. She presented as very upbeat and playful. But when she felt stressed, she acted like a very mean nun. I had one of my co-workers (a super sweet and super smart guy in charge of our IT department) tell me soon after she had taken over that no one had spoken to him (like she did) since he was five years old. He soon after found a new job at MIT… Deep breath in. Deep breath out. It took me three years to leave… and that was because she laid me off. But that was when I started focusing on music full-time; so I can be a tiny bit grateful to this very emotionally damaged boss (in a yin/yang kind of way)…

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

I'd love to hear from you!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.