Posted on by Belinda O

Holidays–Not Again

Sometimes I feel like a bit of a Grinch.

Wednesday, for example, while everyone at work was decorating for Halloween, I stayed at my desk and entered data into the computer. I did get up and survey the finished scenery–and that’s what it was, as we had an empty row of cubicles turned into “bootiful bootiques,” skeletons on the phone, graveyards, and heaven knows what else. I just couldn’t get into it.

Granted, I was suffering from some pretty bad shoulder pain, but even without that I doubt I would have been any more enthusiastic. Halloween just isn’t my cup of tea. I have a coworker who celebrates year round, and I think she’s nuts. I keep quiet about my feelings.

Today, many of my co-workers will bring in their kids to trick-or-treat, and I’m really hoping it’s a slow day work-wise as they could get disruptive. The co-workers and the kids. Yes, I’m a Halloween Grinch. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll be nice and even fun. But my heart won’t be in it.

As for Thanksgiving and Christmas, I’m better about those holidays. But I do have a hard time with all the family celebrations others are having while I’m alone. I sometimes get invited to Thanksgiving at the homes of friends or co-workers, but unless it’s a group of “orphans,” I don’t go. I’m not comfortable with the family gatherings of others, especially when I may only know one person, and that individual is likely to be very busy.

This year, since Christmas is on a Wednesday, I took the Monday and Tuesday beforehand off. I don’t have any plans other than to watch all my favorite Christmas movies, and it’s ticking off one of my colleagues who has plans with her family and has to work because I’m not planning to do so. Well, too bad. I’m just as important as she is, even if I don’t have family to celebrate with.

So maybe that makes me a Grinch as well. But I think it’s more about self-care than selfishness, even if my co-worker doesn’t see it that way. Holidays are hard for me.

I wish I had some advice for those of you who wonder how you can help others you may know who will be spending the holidays alone. I know the suicide rate goes up during the next few months, and loneliness is a big part of it. It’s not a concern anyone needs to have about me, but knowing it is a concern for many makes me sensitive about giving advice. I do okay, but others may not. Be aware of warning signs.

But also know that even those who may be alone may be doing okay and respect their wish to spend the holidays with their cats or dogs rather than your family. It may be a lot more lonely to spend time with a group of people as closely bonded as a family than it is to spend it watching TCM.

Image Credits: Halloween © mandu77–stock.adobe.com; Turkey © Rony–stock.adobe.com; Hands © lululand–stock.adobe.com

15 Replies to “Holidays–Not Again”

  2. yes very well said. I share your aloneness and pain this time of year. And also that others seem imply their way is the only way and that those of us who don’t have family and/or celebrate are to be thought of as less of/wanting and even shamed.

    Please be nice to others at this time of year and don’t be making assumptions about celebrating and families or their circumstances and plans.

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  4. I love your perspective about Halloween, Belinda. I feel the same. My least favorite “holiday” by far. And I hear you. I hear you. Respecting wishes about the upcoming holidays and how they’re spent is important. Your plan sounds superb. Taking a couple of days off in advance of Christmas and gearing up for movie time with your favorite furry family members. 💕
    I always feel like the offer matters. An open door to those I care about who don’t have big family gatherings to navigate – giving choices. Then following up with a text to check-in. And your insight about feeling alone WHILE in the presence of family is such a true statement. Unseen. Old hurts for some of us.
    Thank you for your post. 💕

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    1. Her entire apartment is decorated in a Halloween theme, and she has parties once a month where people dress up and watch scary movies. That’s what I know about. Her desk has a Halloween-themed calendar, among other things. I guess there’s a day in April celebrated as “Halfoween” and she participates in that. She’s the one who told me she celebrates Halloween all year round, but that’s all I know about.

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  7. Your reasons make perfect sense! I remember feeling some of what you describe when I first got divorced. It’s hard to go places alone! Love that you have made a plan that sounds delightfully calm and cozy! ❤

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  8. I hope you enjoy your break, and good on you for not backing down to the resentful coworker, who should have planned better.

    Your post reminds me of my mother’s best friend, our “adopted” Aunty June. She had lots of pain in her life, a string of bad marriages that left her mostly estranged from her oldest children and the illness and death of her youngest child from her last marriage. After her daughter’s death, there were times she just couldn’t participate in holidays.

    She had a cousin whom she was close to and could and sometimes would spend holidays with or with us. For years, though, she would tell my Mom she had to spend the holiday with her cousin and tell her cousin she was with us. Until somehow, her cousin and my mom discovered she had not been going to either home.

    It then became a sort of running “joke” where we would ask her if she was coming to whatever holiday dinner or going to her cousins. And her response was always that she was going to her cousins, but she might surprise us. On some holidays, she surprised us and showed up; on others, she stayed home knowing she had places she was welcomed. She would always show up the day after to eat leftovers with us.

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