Another broad question that I find difficult to answer. Is it something about me they don’t understand, something about politics, something about religion, or something about, say, cats? And most people? I hate to judge what others do or do not understand.
But I’m experiencing something first-hand now that I only knew about second-hand from other people, and that is, when an aging parent gets ill. My dad has pancreatic cancer. For those who don’t know, that’s not good. The five-year survival rate is about nil and generally it’s not caught until it’s too late.
Until very recently I could brag about how healthy my dad was. He took no medications (he called his vitamins his “medication”), he had no illnesses, he was very active. At the age of 89, he golfed three times a week, bowled twice a week, played bridge one or two times a week, and played bocce ball once a week. He chose to stay active. That doesn’t count all the sudoku and math games he played.
Then, in January, he began experiencing some pain in his side. It took a month, but they finally diagnosed the cancer. I was in shock. My exceptionally healthy dad has pancreatic cancer? It is stage three and as far as we know, it hasn’t spread to his lungs or lymph nodes. He’s started chemo, but there have been setbacks and they’ve had to cancel his chemo treatments a couple of times.
I’ll say it again, I’ve been in shock. They say the first stage of grief is denial, but I don’t think I’m in denial. I’ve talked to my friends about it and they sympathize. Coming to grips with an aging parent’s mortality is tough. My dad’s attitude is great, and if that has anything to do with it, he’ll live quite awhile longer.
I’m going out to see him soon and I’ll see for myself what’s going on. In the meantime, I’m learning I don’t understand what’s happening. I guess most of us don’t until we go through it ourselves. I’ve always tried to understand, but I realize now my understanding was superficial.
Maybe that’s what most people don’t understand: you can’t truly know until you’ve been there yourself.
Image Credit: Header: © Lila Patel–stock.adobe.com
My World With Words 
Belinda, I am so sorry about your father.
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Thank you.
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I’m so sorry. I am sure it’s not made easier living away. My mother is 89, still active but no longer drives. My sister is her cab. I’ll pray for him, you and his care team.
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Thank you, Dede. I appreciate it.
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This is such a difficult subject to write about, Belinda. You really wrote from your heart. So often in grief, people will tell me how others cannot imagine what they’re going through. Your situation reminds me of that. I’m so sorry about your dad‘s cancer and I pray he will not suffer. He sounds like such a wonderful father and healthy man. I know you treasure every moment with him – more than ever, and I am sending big you a big hug!
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I think many of us believe others cannot imagine what we’re going through, although the truth is, so much of what we experience is common ground. Thank you for the hug! I feel it.
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I’m sorry to hear about your dad, Belinda. I love your point about his attitude being so good that it might extend his life. I hope that is how it goes!
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I hope so, too. I hope he surprises us all!
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Sorry to hear about your dad. It’s hard. I lost my dad in 2024. He was 89. He had been fine until he had a car accident, it wasn’t his fault but it sent him on a downward spiral. He must have had the beginnings of dementia but not so any of us would notice. We think all the stress of dealing with insurance etc speeded up his sudden decline. It does come as a shock, we always think they’ll be there for ever and can’t quite believe something is wrong. The positive attitude you say your dad has is good, and I wish him well.
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Thank you. I really believed my dad would be around for a much longer time that it looks like he will now. But I’m with you, his positive attitude makes a difference.
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I’m so sorry to hear about your father, Belinda. We faced similar with my grandmother, age 91, a few years, so I can really empathize with the shock and disbelief of someone so healthy suddenly… not. A positive helps, I do believe. I’ll say some prayers for him.
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Thank you. It’s so hard to believe he’s in this condition. Just in December I was saying to my brother, “Well, Dad’s loving life.” And knowing him, he’s still appreciating all that he can.
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Belinda, I am so sorry about your Dad. I did this journey with my Mom in 1987. I was 36 and she was 70. She was diagnosed with lung cancer. After she passed I started journaling and that was how I talked to her. I missed her so much and no one could help me work through all the emotional struggles I went through. I think that the fact your father has a great attitude will be a huge asset. My Mom gave up early on. I could not fault her on giving up. We can’t always fight the fight. She wasn’t feeling well and radiation was too much for her. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your Dad. And add my hug for you with the others you have been given here.
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Thank you so much for the support. I’m sorry you were so alone when your mom passed. I keep wondering what it will be like when my dad is gone. I’ve thought of journaling and I think I may start that. Processing the pain is a challenge. Thank you so much for your support.
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