Tag: confidence

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Back Where I Started

Every few months I plan a trip to drive the 657 miles from my home to my mom’s. I don’t mind long drives, even though I’m worn out at the end (at least the drive home). I’ve gotten to know the radio stations in each city, what areas have no phone reception, and where to stop for both gas and a meal.

I’ve also learned to spend that time reflecting, pondering, thinking about things I don’t have the energy to commit to working through on a day to day basis. I pray and sometimes plead with God, and discover answers I didn’t expect.

Life is a journey, and sometimes, for me, it takes a road trip to put it all in perspective. I can live a lifetime in those ten-hour excursions, only to end up right where I left…literally. But the time on the road has changed me.

And it’s the subtle changes that bring me joy.

Photo Credit: © olly – Fotolia

Journey

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Layers and Secrets: A Message to My Friend, Part 1

The day after my brother’s wedding reception, the family and a few close friends gathered at his and my sister-in-law Ann’s apartment.

It was about as a casual an occasion as you can imagine, so I took out my knitting. I happened to be using some beautiful hand-carved needles for a project made of angora and lambswool. Ann’s friend David, an artist, took note of the needles.

“They’re a piece of art by themselves,” he commented, and graciously asked me about what I was making. In turn, I told him how beautifully he’d sung the night before, something I’m sure he was used to hearing. David has a phenomenal voice; at one time he was a soloist in the New York City Gay Men’s Chorus. Let me assure you that is an accomplishment.

We had a really pleasant conversation. Seventeen years later, I still look forward to the time we speak again. David later commented to my brother how nice I was, and my brother was  certain he hadn’t spoken to me. Nice? Not how viewed his sister.

I am nice, to a fault. But while I can be very, very good, I can also be horrid. Less so as I’ve gotten older, I suppose, but yes, I can be nasty. Family dynamics being what they are, I’m guessing this was a time when there was more tension between my brother and me than happiness.

December 2014
Friends typically are taken aback by this shot of me from Dec. 2014. I generally look so much “nicer.”

A few years ago I went through a hell I’m working hard to move past, and it changed me. Initially I found I was much better able to stand up for myself, and a layer of anger seemingly charged all of my actions. The anger still exists, but it’s only a small part of the whole now.

Sometimes, though, my anger and frustration can’t help but eak out, and I have to have a long talk with myself. I choose not to become someone who resorts to passive-aggressive tactics to communicate her feelings, but in order to do that, I have to monitor what I’m feeling and and why.

I am not someone it’s easy to get to know. I constantly surprise those who think they know me well with an offhand comment that reveals I’m not so naÏve or sheltered as they think I am. I frequently hide much of myself from others and conform to their image of me. It’s easier that way.

The blessing for me in all of this is I understand people are more complex than we often realize. I tend to be less surprised about someone’s hidden talents or quirks because I accept that that is the norm. We all have layers we hide beneath the everyday aspects of ourselves.

Layers, and secrets.

(A three-part series on Layers and Secrets.  Look for Part 2 next week!)

Layers

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Never, never, never quit

The Saga Continues…

I have to give my Mimi credit — she doesn’t give up. Ever focused in her goal to explore this new territory, her retreat is momentary. With only seconds needed to regain her composure, she sets out once again to conquer all.

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Bragging on Myself (as we say in the South)

Five Personal Achievements —

It’s good to take stock and renew your belief in yourself. Thanks to Christina, who came up with a month’s worth of lists for her own blog, for the idea for today’s post.

Finished my book, learning all kinds of things about Adobe Creative Cloud software in the process.

open-book-simplicity-icon_fk8KRpU_ [Converted]This book isn’t currently available, but the point was to finish what had started out as an offhand comment.  It also gave me a sense of accomplishment at a time when I was feeling lost and alone. As a side benefit, it made a friend of mine laugh during some of her darkest hours.

Went back to college after dropping out the first time and finished with my bachelor’s in journalism.

I’ve written about this before, and I don’t recommend dropping out of college. In my situation, however, I was burned out and likely would have failed at least some of the courses ahead of me had I stayed during my first time in college. There were numerous other factors that led those closest to me to agree it was my best course of action at the time, and I never doubted I’d go back to school when the time was right.

Became an expert knitter.

skein of yarn and needles c mtzsv smI’ve been knitting so long I forget that it’s an accomplishment, but this is a skill I have I can use for myself, gifts for friends and family, and charitable giving. It led to the next achievement…

Designed numerous knitting projects, including some available for sale.

Kims Slippers red rose IIOne of my favorite patterns I never fully wrote out, and I doubt I’d ever make it again. It was a cardigan for my niece and I learned a valuable lesson (knitters will understand this): don’t design a pattern too heavy with cable designs. It takes up way too much yarn.

I also saw a pair of hand-knit slippers once that I really liked, and someone challenged me to try to figure out the pattern. What I came up with looked nothing like that original pair, but I’ve made dozens of these slippers for myself and others, and sold quite a few patterns to boot.

Developed and maintained this blog for more than a year.

AdobeStock_74229029 [Converted]Those of you who’ve been with me since the beginning (thank you!) have seen how this site has evolved and even produced a “spin-off,” my new blog for my reviews of classic films. It’s been a process, from designing the header to figuring out what to write, even changing the domain name. I can’t imagine life without writing, nor, at this point, without my blogging buddies.

Image Credits: (graduation) © carballo – Fotolia; (woman typing) © RetroClipArt — Fotolia; (skein of yarn) © mtzsv — Fotolia; (book) © GraphicStock.

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Now Let Us All Limbo!

AdobeStock_111646585 [Converted]You  have your goals, you have your dreams, you are even taking steps to achieve them. Yet due to circumstances beyond your control, whatever they may be, you are currently in limbo. Someone or something else has power in your life right now, and you cannot move forward in the way you wish because of it.

What do you do when your dreams have to wait?

  • Keep the dreams alive in a concrete way. Maybe you save all your pennies, literally, toward a class you can take someday. (I get it, that’s all you can afford, and even that’s stretching it. I mean, you need new underwear, and you’re saving for a dream? Yes.)
  • Read a book, take an online class or webinar (there is so much out there!), find a website that specializes in what you’re seeking and keep up on the latest. A lot of what’s free has a bias or may be trying to sell you something, so keep your wits about you. But build your expertise by keeping up-to-date on the world you dream of, maintaining and growing skills, and learning about related subjects.
  • Find those who support your dreams and keep in regular touch with them. Whether it’s a college friend, a clergyman, or your grocery store clerk, maintain contact. That doesn’t mean you gripe about your present circumstances with them, rather, you dare to voice the dream is alive while you’re waiting for circumstances to change.
  • AdobeStock_110260540 [Converted]Look for other fulfilling options. Unless your dream is incredibly specific, there may be multiple ways to make it come true. If you have a particular talent, look at all the ways you could use it. You don’t have to seriously consider all opportunities, but don’t cut yourself short due to a limited focus.
  • Consider what your dream really is. I want to write, but what do I want to write? Not poetry, I determined that a long time ago. Probably not the Great American Novel. Do I want to use this skill to further a message? If so, what’s the message?
  • Build supplemental skills. Any person who wants to live on his or her creative talent had better have a bit of business sense, or be closely related to someone else who does. Generally creative people need someone more pragmatic by their side, but learn enough to know who can fill that role adequately.
  • Cry a little. Some days, it’s okay to wallow. Just set the timer.

If you’re in limbo, rest easy. I trust it will end someday in my life, and yours as well. In the meantime, one step forward is better than standing still.

 

Image Credits: © geosap — Fotolia