Pieces of the Whole
Normally, I don’t do these challenges…and I’m a little late in responding, my apologies. But the blogger who nominated me has touched me lately, so I want to honor her with what is, for me, a full-throated response.
She has a fun, honest, straightforward approach, so if you like that style, check out her blog at Stealing Quiet Time in Noisy Disorder.
Of course the problem for me is leaving it at the quote. I want to expound…I think a future post is germinating…
I could use a little disruption in my life to change my focus, if only for a moment. Enough of a spark to take my mind off of that which usually occupies my thinking.
It might open me up to a refreshing change in my life.
It’s scary, and exciting, to think we could work to make our dreams come true. Scary, because we might fail. Exciting, because we might succeed. I know by now it takes more than a simple wish 
on a shooting star or a genie’s lamp. It takes action. I want to turn things around for myself, but first, I think, I have to change my thinking. If I don’t I’ll end up in the same situation I’m in now. The details may be different, but the resulting satisfaction, or lack thereof, will be the same.
The question, of course, is what part of my thinking needs to change? There is a large part of me that has grown in a positive way in recent years, yet I’m stuck in a place, physically and mentally, I don’t want to be.
There is a seed of thought of exactly where I do want to be, and I have to be willing to dream it’s possible. Then, I have to take the steps to make it happen. One at a time. If I think too far ahead, I’ll freeze up and it will never happen.
I’ll worry about roadblocks and setbacks, heartbreak and disappointment. Already I can hear this little voice in my head saying, “you’ve done this before, where did it get you?”
I think even the middle ground could be a pretty fantastic place to land.
It got me pretty far, actually. Just sometimes I fail to remember what I now take for granted.
If life has taught me anything, it’s that reality is usually a middle ground, not as terrible as we fear or as incredible as we hope, but in this case I think even the middle ground for me could be a pretty fantastic place to land.
As I write this my body is aching, I’m worried how I’m going to pay my bills this month and I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in more than a week. Reality can sap the joy out of dreams if you let it, but today I’m not going to let it.
I’m going to wish on a shooting star, then take the first step to make my dreams come true.
Image Credit: (Magic Lamp) © Flynt – Bigstock
Ah, life. If it isn’t one thing, it’s another.
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I finally figured out what I was going to do with the next ten years, and what do you know, a few other people had some input into those ideas…people whose input matters. So the figuring is starting all over again.
But these are people who love me, so not to worry, right?
Yes, I’ve figured out a few things. Life is going to get you, one way or the other. You’re going to have good times, bad times and a lot of everyday, ordinary times.
You’re going to learn and grow (or not). You’ll think you’ve made it, only to find the rug pulled out from underneath you. You’ll think all is lost, only to have it given back to you again.
Those you think are for you will betray you and those you think could not care less about you will save your life.
It’s not all that mixed up, to be sure, or unexpected. But I made up my mind.. and forgot what I decided. And realized, it’s all a process leading to a destination we can’t imagine.
So here I go again.
Image Credit: (Cat) © geosap — Fotolia
When I was just under two years old, I feared nothing. Okay, not true. The only way I’d go down the slide was on my tummy, feet first, so apparently my fear of heights started early. But feeding ducks? Couldn’t get me to do that today (what if they bit me?) but as a toddler, if Grandpa told me it was okay, I was a trusting soul.
Admittedly, it took me a little bit to get into it, but once I did, I was all in.
Not too many people I trust that implicitly any more, I’m afraid. I’ve learned there’s value in counsel from many, and accepting the advice of one person in a life-changing situation, no matter how adamant they may be that they are right, is rarely the wise thing to do.
It takes me time to process things. Sometimes someone will make a suggestion and I’ll dismiss it out of hand. If they push it, I’ll push back, and get angry, defensive. I need time to think it through. Later I may come back and say, “hey, what about…?” and make the same suggestion they did only days before, frustrating the bejeebers out of them.
Other times I know I’m right, and I’ll push back, and that, too, will irritate my friends, who don’t see the difference. Not long ago I had a friend who, in all sincerity, thought I was taking a situation “too seriously” and not looking at things “the way they really are.”
I was living the situation; he wasn’t. I knew just how serious it was. He was frustrated because of my perceived attitude; I was equally perturbed by his stubborn refusal to accept my experience as valuable in evaluating the situation.
I struggle, daily, with important decisions. I seek advice from friends and family, and I look at past decisions, I write blog posts (some published, some not) about what I would or would not like to see happen.
There are aspects of my life I want changed now and things I want to change in the future. I lie awake at night thinking about what I need to do to protect my future, and worrying some things will never change if I don’t take baby steps.
Some days I take the baby steps, then I forget to do so again for months at a time, losing any momentum I may have gained.
Moving forward is an ever-challenging, often exasperating, sometimes exhausting, yet ultimately exhilarating practice. It can happen slowly, then suddenly speed up and leave you spinning.
I never want to stop moving forward, growing and achieving personal freedom as a result. For me, it requires re-evaluation every so often, and I’m doing that now.
And looking forward to the next chapter.
I have few family heirlooms, and none have value outside of my home. Still, what I have, I treasure, and what I treasure most, perhaps, is the book of poetry my great-grandfather gave my great-grandmother on their wedding day in February, 1905.
Inscribed inside from him to her is this verse from one of the poems of Riley’s Love Lyrics, long out-of-print:
And have the shine/of one glad woman’s eyes to make, for my poor sake,/Our simple home a place divine/Just the wee cot–the cricket’s chirr–/Love, and the smiling face of her.
Okay, maybe long out-of-print for a reason.
I would like to say their marriage was a love story for the ages, but it wasn’t. It was as good or bad a union as any of its time, with one exceptional result: all of their children, including all four women, received a college education. (My grandmother, I believe, was the only one who didn’t graduate, but in her day, women going to college was the exception, not the rule, and she was as smart, and ultimately, as educated, as any of them.)
And their children were good people. I speak of them and not my great-grandparents only because they were the people I knew, and I respected them.
I’ve had several friends lose their parents this past week in a somewhat shocking series of losses, and in each case I’ve been struck by this: the legacy they left behind in their children, some despite themselves, others because of a lifetime of sacrifice for their children.
My great-grandparents clearly started out their marriage with all the hope and anticipation of any newlywed couple, and over the years that youthful belief in each other grew into a deeper knowledge of their spouse’s faults and failings, strengths and unique qualities.
Life is a journey, and not an easy one. We have our benchmark moments, but mostly we have day to day experiences that little by little define us, both to ourselves and others. We look for inspiration in the things around us, but we do the best we can with the power we have at any given moment.
And that’s okay. Our choices evolve, we grow, we’re inspired by others and suddenly we see ourselves in a whole new light. It starts a new path without requiring much thought at that point, because it’s who we want to be.
We want to be better, and we find ourselves seeking that good we know is there inside our souls, to show it to the world. As if the world hadn’t seen it already.
My World With Words 
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