Outside Looking In

“I used to think I was the strangest person in the world, but then I thought, there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me, too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this, know that, yes, it’s true I’m here, and I’m just as strange as you.”
― Frida Kahlo

How many of us have sat silently at night, convinced we stand alone in the world in our oddness, and uncertain as to how to change? Fearing constant rejection throughout our lives?

Me at Four

Even at the age of four I felt like an outsider.

For years I lived my life that way, believing not only was I too far outside the norm to be accepted, but that I would never truly be loved, that I would be isolated from others all of my life.

I no longer feel that way, even though I know I stand alone in many ways. Well, perhaps not truly alone, there are others like me, but I’m not sure I know them. I’ve found a way to be myself in the world, and perhaps that makes me oblivious to the thoughts of others.

November 2014 family gathering 5x7

I’m doing better these days.

Well, truthfully, I have my moments, and in those times I wonder if I’m blind to my oddities the rest of the time. If that’s the case, there’s little I can do to change now. I am who I am and I don’t know any way to be any different.

I’m not ruled by those thoughts anymore. Perhaps I was overly sensitive to them before, and made things worse by behaving in a way that matched how I believed others saw me.

This is who I am.


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18 Comments on “Outside Looking In

    • Thank you! I’m able to add my own video because I have the premium plan. When I saw that quote by Frida Kahlo, I did some research about her. What a fascinating woman and incredible artist!

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  1. How many of us have sat silently at night, convinced we stand alone in the world in our oddness, and uncertain as to how to change? Fearing constant rejection throughout our lives?

    There are a lot. And I do think everyone has gone into such life episode. Nonetheless, embracing uniqueness, all faults and blemishes, for me is life’s greatest meaning. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’ve always been in awe of people who have accepted their oddness (or uniqueness) right from the start, because, somewhat like you, my individuality just filled me with doubt and anxiety.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Heck, I still think I’m the odd man out and “looking in from the outside.” I have found a way to embrace my view of myself but still have the open-ended question about how I should go forward fitting into the big ol’ puzzle of life. I don’t live in the past but I wonder why I’ve traveled the road I have…and which road to take next. That which does not kill us makes us stronger…and I’m still here. I have more to do and more to contribute. It’s deciding what to do with all this uniqueness I still ponder even at this stage of my life. And, I’m sure I’m far from the only one in this scenario.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. As soon as I started school, I knew I was different from my classmates. I am glad I had teachers who supported me. I was academically gifted. It wasn’t easy. I had few friends. I am glad that I learned to value myself.

    Liked by 1 person

    • No, it isn’t easy. I had the same problem, and people don’t see it as a problem. It took me a long time but I think I’m okay now…glad you learned the value of you!

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  5. Oh my! I am impressed that someone felt like I did for a good portion of her life. I will follow your blog because we have a common thread. It is also amazing that I have concluded as well that I am who I am. I care deeply for people. I do believe that I have arrived at the place where their perspective of me does not override my own, and my own is getting healthier by the moment. Sometimes this journey can be longwinded.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! A good part of my blog is dedicated to posts like this — personal discovery — although some are lighter, some are classic movie reviews, that sort of thing, so don’t expect them all to be like this 🙂 But I’ve been amazed and so, so thrilled by the response, especially to this post, that it encourages me to write more. Funny how many of us felt like we were on the outside looking in, if we only knew the girls — and boys — sitting right next to us felt the same way!!!

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