Tag: choices

Posted on

Be Kind (a little goes a long way)

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”
― Plato

Ever in your life felt like no one is fighting as difficult a battle as you? I have, and I’m embarrassed by my arrogance. Still, being overwhelmed is being overwhelmed, and once that wave washes over you, it’s sometimes hard to stand up.

I don’t quite agree with Plato that everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle, because everyone’s life ebbs and flows, but you don’t know what you don’t see. So being kind because everyone you meet might be fighting a harder battle seems like the more pragmatic way of thinking.

When I was a teenager, I noticed a lot of the older women in the grocery store–or wherever–seemed to be scowling. I took a bit of offense to that, because I thought they were scowling at me (like I said, I was a teenager), until one day I smiled at one of these ladies. Her smile in return had me quite taken aback and I realized, her frown had nothing to do with me.  Or anyone else, for that matter.

After that, I took to smiling at ladies who didn’t look happy, and the response I got was quite gratifying. While many of them may have been quite content, at least some of them were in pain, physical or emotional, and perhaps my smile made their day a little brighter. It was kindness, and I know now that the burdens many bear at 70 are a lot worse than what I was dealing with at 17 (and I had my share of pain).

Not long ago a child in my apartment complex came running up to me. I was surprised and thought she may have mistaken me for someone else, but she grinned at me and said, “here’s a lucky penny!” and handed me said coin. That was so sweet it made my day. I hadn’t been having a particularly difficult time of it, but kindness is always appreciated. And yes, her mom was nearby, keeping her generous daughter safe from stranger danger.

Be kind. It may be a ripple in a pond that goes a long way.

Image Credit: ©TOimages–stock.adobe.com

Posted on

To Tell the Truth

I’ve heard the adage “always tell the truth, it’s easiest to remember” credited to several people. I’m not sure who first said it–I know Mark Twain said something close–but I believe it. I have a good memory, but if I were to get wrapped up in a serious lie, I’m sure I’d trip myself up at some point.

I try to be honest, and most of the time, I am. Still, when I went on an online diet recently, I lied about what I’d eaten. Too embarrassing to put it in print. I don’t mind saying that here because I’m not confessing to too much, but I sure didn’t want to tell the anonymous people who might be reviewing my food diary. So I quit that diet and I’m trying something else. Not particularly successfully, but with greater success than I had with that program.

Well, now, here I go. I have had more success lately, but the word “greater” might be misleading. “Slightly more” would be the more accurate term. I wasn’t lying, but I understand how easy it is to fall into deception.

It hurts me when friends or family think I’ve lied to them, especially since I usually haven’t in the way they think I have. I may have at other times–like I said, I’m honest most of the time–but not the times of which they’re accusing me. And once someone is convinced you’re lying, all the proof in the world won’t change their mind. At least, that’s my experience.

We live in a cynical world, and people would rather believe someone is lying than be caught believing said liar told the truth. There are some exceptions–some people will believe others can only tell the truth, when all the evidence points to the exact opposite. 

How do we discern the truth? Obviously, past history is a great way to predict the future. Also, most people, and I’m including those who are basically honest, have a tell when they lie, and a little experience can teach us what that might be. And let’s not discount listening to our gut.

tell the truth text engraved on old wooden signpost outdoors in

I heard a famous author promoting his book about human behavior (and I’m not sure I remember who it is–Malcolm Gladwell, perhaps?) and he said something that went against everything I’d been told: there is no certain way to tell is someone is lying or being honest. We’ve all heard about common human behaviors that will tell others what’s going on, but apparently, there’s no scientific backup for that. 

Bottom line, we can only control our own words and actions. So be honest–it’s not only the easiest thing to remember, it’s what others will remember about you.

Image Credits: Boy with long nose © Michele Paccione, stock.adobe.com; Signposts © Jon Anders Wiken, stock.adobe.com.

Posted on

Choices

Two weeks ago I visited my mom and helped her make the adjustment to assisted living. For a variety of reasons it had become apparent to the family that she needs an environment where she will be safe, and my brother took charge of pursuing her options. Through a Medicaid program called elderly waiver she is able to afford a (quite small) place in a nice, newly-renovated facility near the apartment she had been living in. So we’re all satisfied she’s done the right thing and are happy with the service she’ll be getting.

What I struggle with, though, is watching my mom get older, knowing that it will be me someday. Without children, I don’t know who will help me when the time comes. I made the choice some time ago not to have children, and as it turns out, my body had made the same decision for me. Yes, I could have adopted, but the bottom line is, as much as I love babies and older kids, I didn’t want any of my own.

AdobeStock_145424722 [Converted]So who will care for me as I age? My brother put in a lot of time and effort to help get my mom where she is today, and I did what I could as well. It all came together for her in a way it isn’t likely to for me. When I mentioned my fears to my brother, he sort of laughed and said it’s a little early to worry about that now.

It is. As scripture says, don’t worry about tomorrow, today has enough trouble of its own. I do believe in planning,  but I know I can’t really plan for how I will be cared for in the future when I don’t know what my situation will be. Still, I will do what I can so I’m at least partially prepared for any eventuality.

Yes, today has enough trouble of its own.

Image Credits: Dandelions © Bigstock; Aging © Adrian Hillman–stock.adobe.com

Posted on

Thrones

I wish I could give my cats the kind of cat room I’ve read about but never seen–with ramps to run up on and around, scratching posts of all shapes and sizes and a huge window seat. Instead, they have to make due with piles of boxes I have yet to unload and a somewhat narrower window ledge–wide enough, I suppose, but not what I dream of giving them.

Walter’s latest favorite seat is my desk chair, which has been scratched down to the wood frame and is a short walk away from the trash bin. It’s not particularly comfortable for me, but it’s the desk chair I have. Walter, however, just loves it. It is his throne. If I’m working and make the mistake of getting up, he dashes upon it. When I gently pick him up and place him down from the chair, he purrs and attempts to sit behind me. I guess he thinks sharing is a good compromise.

When a friend’s cat sadly and suddenly passed away in November, I became the recipient of two cat pillows, which Mimi has taken to greatly. Walter isn’t allowed in either one of them, no matter where Mimi might be at the time. If he dares sit in one, she quietly approaches him, starts cleaning him behind the ears, and he leaves. Quickly. Those pillows are her thrones.

I need to step back and realize that what I’m giving my cats is enough for them. I hear parents bemoaning what they can’t give their children, and I say to them, your kids have an imagination. They also have your love and commitment. If my parents had given me everything I wanted growing up, I’d be expecting a throne in my life today.

Instead, I’m satisfied with my desk chair. And my futon. And my wicker chairs. I have my cats, and they have me. They are loving and kind, and I hope my friends think the same of me.

Thrones are just overrated.

Image Credit: © studiostoks-stock.adobe.com

Posted on

Choices

A friend of mine readily admits some of her fondest memories involve watching “Pretty Little Liars” with her grandmother. Her nana.

Nana told me she had no interest in the program, but it was a way to spend time with her youngest grandchild on a regular basis. Despite her lack of concern for the fate of the various characters, she could handily talk through any given plot line from the show. Heather, her granddaughter, would proudly ask Nana a question about the series, and Nana would give a complete answer, smiling as she relayed the tale.

I’ve written before about the right or wrong of spending time doing something you don’t enjoy for the sake of one you care about. I believe sometimes you suck it up and go to the shower you’d rather avoid, because your love for the cousin who’s being honored is greater than your disdain for ditzy party games.

I understand the thinking of those who say “life is too short for me to do something like (fill in the blank), no matter who’s involved,” and in some ways I endorse it. There are certainly multiple opportunities to honor a loved one (and if there truly is only one chance, consider that fact carefully).

How do we balance looking out for ourselves first without being unnecessarily selfish? With children, it’s an easier decision. Sometimes the best way to build trust with a child is to watch a television show they love or read aloud a book that sends you screaming.

It would be a rare situation where I’d watch The Young and the Restless just to make a roommate happy. And yet, that’s exactly what happened nearly 30 years ago. My then-roommate and I weren’t getting along. We liked and respected each other, but living together presented challenges. We also had one television set between us. Compromise was essential.

We agreed to air the taped episodes two nights a week, and reluctantly I joined her. I never did embrace soap opera fandom, but watching and safely gossiping about those shows created a bond. We are friends to this day.

AdobeStock_157759079

In today’s world this example is a bit moot. With the ability to watch your favorite program at your leisure on your choice of devices, you can easily distance yourself from the undesirable family member or roommate.

But where does that get you?

I offer no answers, only questions to ponder. When is being selfish cutting yourself off from healthy relationships? On the flip side, when is it saving you from an antagonistic experience?

Life is full of choices, and the answers so often are ambiguous. The thinking process, however, needn’t be so vague. Ultimately, the decision is yours. And sometimes taking care of others is taking care of yourself.

Image Credits: © stock.adobe.com