Forgive, Forget, Phooey, Finally

I really want to forgive you. Maybe. Frankly, that’s a gift you don’t deserve. You turned a blind eye to even the possibility of the truth, and instead chose to believe weak stories given to you by others, people who had a clear motive to convince you of falsehoods. You used unprofessional conduct and gross abuse of power in an effort to raise your profile before others. You preyed on my weaknesses, and I’ve paid a high price for it.

Who are you to do this to me?

Justice is blind ( ... or maybe not )

The problem is, all that my anger is doing is making me unhappy. Yes, I revel in the thought of your undoing, but that’s not likely to happen. Is there karma at work in this world? Is it true “what goes around, come around”? As comforting as those thoughts are, I’m not sure the world is that equitable.

And if it is, what did I do to deserve what happened to me?

ForgivenessYou’re not worth my thoughts, my passion anymore. Forgiveness isn’t a matter of grace from me, it’s a matter of moving forward. Of course I have constant, in-your-face reminders of what you did. It continues to jolt my life today.

It minimizes my life, and my future. It puts me at risk. That frightens me, and now I’m angry again at your arrogance in thinking you had the right to do this to me. Then I remember the people I respect think the same thing of you I do. They know who I am, and they know who you are.

I hope I’m truly able to forgive you soon, for it’s the best thing for me. It gives me back my power, and I plan to claim it. Soon. But by the same token, I hope you’re held accountable by the ones deemed proper to do so.


Since originally posting this I’ve come a long way. Yes, there’s still some anger, but it’s a tiny pest now, not a hulking monster. Time and a desire to move forward help. I won’t say forgiveness is easy, especially when the unwarranted damage has such serious and long-term consequences. And I stand by my last sentence above.

 

Image Credits: (lady justice) © Kanvag – Fotolia; (key to forgiveness) © Ksishchenko – Fotolia

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18 Comments on “Forgive, Forget, Phooey, Finally

  1. Without knowing the details, I feel your anguish and am glad to know you’ve come a long way. I don’t believe time smooths out everything, because some people perpetually hang onto their anger. So I give you much credit for finding ways to process this.
    In situations where I’ve been terribly hurt, I tried to make some sense of it by seeing it as a growth opportunity. I diffused my anger with pity for the perpetrator.
    I’m glad you don’t see a requirement that you bestow “forgiveness.” Taking care of yourself is the most important thing.
    I’m sorry for what you went through. If you ever want to share more or write to me, feel free to send me an email. I really care.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Judy. It’s hard, but after awhile hanging on to my anger seems so foolish. What’s the expression, “drinking a poison and expecting the other person to die”? I need to move on and show myself to be the person I want to be.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Belinda, I’ve struggled a lot with anger because in my upbringing I was taught to suppress it. I was married a long time and never expressed my honest feelings. Needless to say, it led to my heart “growing cold.” Recently, I was having a hard time with anger again – when it was toward someone I loved, I felt guilty. So I guess what I’m trying to say here is that it’s good to acknowledge the feeling and that helps in letting it go. I think that’s what you did. I wouldn’t call it foolish. It’s best not to judge our own feelings – I thinks that’s the best way to move on. And you can take as much time as you need. It sounds like you were terribly hurt and taking a while might be expected in a situation like that!

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Very hard thing to do, forgive. I’d say you’re right on track! Karma, the Golden Rule, and other versions all say the same thing basically. It’s not how other people treat you but how you in turn respond or treat that person. A good rant is lovely to get space from the anger and leads to the path of your wellness. Hugs sweet lady xo

    Liked by 1 person

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