I really want to forgive you. Maybe. Frankly, that’s a gift you don’t deserve. You turned a blind eye to even the possibility of the truth, and instead chose to believe weak stories given to you by others, people who had a clear motive to convince you of falsehoods. You used unprofessional conduct and gross abuse of power in an effort to raise your profile before others. You preyed on my weaknesses, and I’ve paid a high price for it.
Who are you to do this to me?
The problem is, all that my anger is doing is making me unhappy. Yes, I revel in the thought of your undoing, but that’s not likely to happen. Is there karma at work in this world? Is it true “what goes around, come around”? As comforting as those thoughts are, I’m not sure the world is that equitable.
And if it is, what did I do to deserve what happened to me?
You’re not worth my thoughts, my passion anymore. Forgiveness isn’t a matter of grace from me, it’s a matter of moving forward. Of course I have constant, in-your-face reminders of what you did. It continues to jolt my life today.
It minimizes my life, and my future. It puts me at risk. That frightens me, and now I’m angry again at your arrogance in thinking you had the right to do this to me. Then I remember the people I respect think the same thing of you I do. They know who I am, and they know who you are.
I hope I’m truly able to forgive you soon, for it’s the best thing for me. It gives me back my power, and I plan to claim it. Soon. But by the same token, I hope you’re held accountable by the ones deemed proper to do so.
Since originally posting this I’ve come a long way. Yes, there’s still some anger, but it’s a tiny pest now, not a hulking monster. Time and a desire to move forward help. I won’t say forgiveness is easy, especially when the unwarranted damage has such serious and long-term consequences. And I stand by my last sentence above.
Image Credits: (lady justice) © Kanvag – Fotolia; (key to forgiveness) © Ksishchenko – Fotolia