Category: Personal Growth

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forgiving you again… and again

I’ve typically been a forgiving sort of person, especially if I feel I’ve been heard, that the offender has truly listened to my side.

When I haven’t been able to express my feelings or concerns, it’s a little harder, but still, usually I move on. It’s easier that way.

Admittedly, sometimes I may revisit a situation years later, typically when I’m experiencing something similar in nature. Thankfully that never lasts a notable period of time.

forgiving when the other person stubbornly remains the same is the challenge.

I don’t know how admirable it is to forgive & forget when someone has acknowledged your concerns. It’s forgiving when the other person stubbornly remains the same that’s the challenge. What happens when the person who has hurt me seemingly listens to me, then proceeds to cross me in the same way time and time again?

I have a friend who regularly oversteps boundaries with controlling behavior and gossip. It drives me batty, and I’ve tried repeatedly to talk through the problem with her. She seems to hear, then goes right back to doing what she did before.

Her attitude toward me is that of parent to child, and it’s to a point that at times I’m ready to walk away from the friendship because of my anger and frustration. It gets to be more than I can deal with effectively.

I don’t say as much because it would hurt her deeply, and I care too much about her to choose to do that. At the same time, she’s pushing her limits, and my measured responses aren’t getting through. So I remain angry and frustrated.

It hardly seems worth the forgiving, because even if I do, I’m just going to have to start the whole process again.

I know the response of my faith should be to forgive continuously, but I haven’t figured out how to do that. Overall my affection for her outweighs my anger, so in that way I do forgive and forget…until the next time.

teddy-1113160_640

And that’s the dilemma of all our relationships, I suppose. We are who we are and some things aren’t going to change, no matter how much we know they should. So we seethe until the boiling goes to a simmer, then cools off completely, knowing the fire will light again.

It’s either that or be alone. Some days that choice is tougher than others.

 Daily Post – Forgiveness

Certain details of this story have been changed to protect identity. I discussed what I wrote about in this blog piece with my friend before posting it, and seeing it in writing helped her understand my feelings. Our friendship remains strong.

Image Credit: © yurolaitsalbert – Fotolia

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what the future holds

Years ago, fresh out of college and discouraged because I couldn’t find a job in my chosen field, I was debating accepting a lesser job, the kind of work I’d spent years pursuing my degree to get away from. I had been an “adult student,” someone who went back to school later than usual and took classes part-time instead of enjoying the luxury of being a full-time student (well, it seems like a luxury when your options are bit more challenging, as mine were).

Crossroad with signs of priority of passage
 

However, I needed to pay my bills, not to mention buy groceries. I was talking to a close friend about it and she said, “Take the job. We don’t know what the future holds.”

I’ve remembered those words ever since. I wish I could say that job ultimately led to a position with the best company ever, but it didn’t. Eventually, however, I did work somewhere I was able to fulfill my dream. More or less, because reality usually falls a little short.

Now the phrase has taken on a new meaning. I have multiple friends facing chronic, progressive or terminal illness, and they’re still young. Loved ones are frightened by the loss, emptiness and responsibility that lies ahead. Once again, I’ve come to realize, we don’t know what the future holds.

It is what it is, and will be nothing else than what it’s going to be. I fear what looms ahead for me, and I don’t even know yet what will happen. The challenge is something I’ll have to take on, though, because I will control what I can and accept what I can’t. It may take time to get there, but it is a road I’ve come to know well.

Photo Credit © rasica — DollarPhotoClub.com
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sometimes light as snow, sometimes dark as hell

Ah, snowfall.

It’s coming soon for many of you. I may get some too, but it’s a little different here. I won’t experience anything like what surrounded me during a situation I once thought of as the most embarrassing moment of my life, a story I knew better than to tell. Until now.

It was my first significant snowstorm

since moving to Minnesota, and light, powdery snow was piled high all around. Stir crazy and not particularly savvy about wintery road conditions, I bundled up and blithely took a walk a few blocks down to the grocery store.

Not a good idea.

Sidewalks were snowed over, so on my way back, rather than walking on the street, I chose an obviously safer route across the parking lot and down a hill. Obvious, that is, to a lifelong Californian.

What I foolishly didn’t calculate

was the three feet of snow now jutting out from the side of that hill. As I plowed through the fresh powder on the ground, suddenly the earth gave out under me and I dropped five feet straight down.

Damn. What to do now.

I waited until I was pretty sure all current traffic at that stop light had passed before working my way out. Then, with as much dignity as I could muster, (which is to say, not a whole lot) I proceeded home.

Fortunately, I was new to the area, not to mention bundled up and resembling a cookie jar, so likely no one recognized me.

Seriously,

that’s my most embarrassing moment? OF COURSE NOT. Comical, perhaps, and a good mental laugh-inducing picture, but I’ve lived through a lot worse since then.

But you won’t hear about those moments from me. It’s taken me decades to tell this story, and it’s more funny than embarrassing. No doubt you’ve lived through one or two of your own, and I’m always up for a good laugh.

Some of the other moments, well, best to lay those memories to rest.

Which makes me wonder how many really painful memories others have that they wisely don’t tell, except that sharing them might make the rest of us fools feel a little less lonesome? I’m talking those times we behave outside of our own character, seemingly controlled by demons unknown to us.

If that resonates with you, those demons, if it wrenches your heart, then you know what I mean, the divide within yourself.

picture of me I’m not promoting a soul-wrenching, innermost-self baring session for anyone with anyone except on your own terms in your own time. You need to guard your heart.

But every once in awhile, I’d like someone to say the words, whatever they are, that would tell me the anguish of my most humiliating moments isn’t mine alone. Maybe each of us, most of us, or even just some of us, go through the same thing at times in our lives.

If you know those words, let me know.

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ten things I’ve learned along the way

Random lessons…some of it wisdom shared from others…

Obviously, not a comprehensive list of what life (and my dad) has taught me, but here are ten thoughts:

  • Whether times are good or times are bad, they always change.
  • Listen when someone you respect tells you another person is not to be trusted.
  • Every generation thinks they invented sex and swearing.
  • You cannot save the world, so choose your obligations wisely.
  • Life is better with a loving pet, and the most loving pets are rescued animals.
  • Breakfast truly is the most important meal of the day.
  • It’s wrong to always need to be right. You wear people out, lose friends and anger those forced to be around you.
  • You are known by the company you keep.
  • Quality, classic clothing is worth the extra money. It lasts longer, looks better and is more honorable for worldwide humanitarian reasons.
  • No one wants to listen to you do all the talking, no matter how fascinating you think you are. They would rather talk about themselves.

sing to me a lifetime song lr

Image Credit: (hourglass) © kuzmafoto – DollarPhotoClub.com; (sky background) © Pakhnyushchyy – DollarPhotoClub.com